fuck you mom and dad and your rules im moving out *shuffles away*
“For three weekends, 47 Dachshunds, more commonly known as Sausage Dogs, will attempt to solve the world’s Human Rights issues.”
this was so fucking important
"And they still accomplished more than the actual U.N."
when u take off ur iphone case and it feels like ur holding a newborn
okay so the other day i was walking downtown with my friend and a guy came up and asked for 50 cents to get a bus ticket. I said sure and started looking through my bag for my wallet and he just kept asking even though i had said yes, bartering with something in his hand.
"i just need 50 cents. for a ticket. just 50 cents for a tic-here. i’ll sell you this for it. its my good luck charm. i’ll sell it to you for fifty cents!"
"dude its fine i got you covered you don’t gotta do that"
"no, I want to. im selling this to you. its lucky."
"im just trying to find quarters man no biggie!"
"i am selling you this. i want you to have it. it means a lot to me"
the second i handed him the quarters he pressed this into my hand and walked away very quickly, calling over his shoulder how it was mine now and how important it was. it’s solid metal and weighs at least five fucking pounds.
im about 100% certain it’s fucking cursed and he could only get rid of it by selling it so if i vanish out of nowhere that would be why.
aria getting cursed ass fuckin satan relics and youve only been in portland for like a month slow down.
The machine reads “dime,” so he gets closer & whispers “quiero pepsi.”
i’ve watched this like 17 times
who beatboxes at a goat
Today is Copernicus’s 541th birthday. You may remember Copernicus as the man who said “Hey, what if the Earth went around the sun?” To which the Catholic Church replied “Hey, what if we set you on fire?”
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”